Thursday 15 February 2007

A friend of mine had his bike stolen last night. It was doubly annoying for him because he was a bicycle-requiring distance from home and so the disappointment of no bike on his return was reinforced by a tedious early hours walk, giving him plenty of times to come to terms with his annoying loss.

I am quite a newcomer to Oxford cycling but, now I have a bike, it does make me wonder quite how I managed without one. I am the new Jack Bauer: I can get anywhere in Oxford within the space of an ad break. Before, I had to walk, and the terrorists might have got away a long time before I arrived, as opposed to moments before I arrive in this new drama-inducing bicycling setup.

However, this recent bike theft has resurrected a paranoia which I thought I’d shaken off earlier in term about locking my bike to things.

I have quite a long cable to lock up my bike with. I also have a quick-release saddle, which I don’t want some comedian or saddleöphile to run off with. Thus, I usually put the cable through some metal loops underneath the saddle, around some stationary object, around the bike frame, and around a stationary object again. So far so good.

My paranoia stems from the notion that, given my extremely complicated tying-up pattern, I could create one of those not-a-knots so popular in puzzle books, IQ tests and magic tricks which look extremely complicated but aren’t actually attached to anything. Then, I worry that in trying to avoid that situation I might end up tying my bike to some railings by just the saddle…the quick-release saddle…thus leaving comedians and saddleöphiles disappointed, but serial bike thieves quite happy with their complete-but-for-a-saddle haul a mere twist of a quick-release thingy away.

To compound my psychological issues, I have also had the McCain Microchips jingle from the mid-nineties (“When you get back from work late, du-duh-duuh-duh, three minutes flat, they’re on your plate, quickety-quick, Microchips!”) buzzing through my unfortunate skull because someone asked me to recall a Milky Way advert from a similar time about a red car and a blue car having a race, which I erroneously sung to myself with the tune glorifying the savoury ready-meal. I’m pretty sure that they rhyme ‘race’ with ‘space’ at some point, and I’ve heard tell that it involves the red car going on something of a celestial body eating binge. If anyone can remember the full tune or storyline to put me out of my Microchip misery then please let me know.


  1. I remember that one! The blue one et the milky way and had energy, no teeth and was cool, and the red one didn’t and got stuck between two planets because he wasn’t hyperactive enough! It was good. Might’ve bin the other way round, though. And something about “the other one had chose the milky way [dum]” at the end.

  2. i love appearing in these blog entries as “someone”. I finally feel like I am somebody. Not just anybody, but someone.

  3. Remember the Satellite and Meteor had a race as well? That was on around the same time: “But the satellite chose a different bite, a treat that wouldn’t ruin his appetite” hehehe

  4. I had the same problem yestaday remembering the jingle so i searched and all i could find was this site. 🙁 I remembered only those 3 lines too BOOO!

  5. I know this is an old blog but here we go:

    The red car and the blue car had a race
    But all red wants to do is stuff his face
    he eats everything he sees from trucks to prickly trees but smart ole blue he took the milky way
    Hes looking for a chocolate bite fluffy and light because he knows he wont spoil his appetite mmm mmm mmmmmmmm

    Oh no the bridge is gone old red cant carry on but smart old blue he took the milky way

    I am so very sad!

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